Two days missed. Back on it, doggone-it. I'll write 3 entries to make up. I have no particular subject to write about, but there are some things on my mind.

1. I'm feeling a certain way and I'm not sure of what this feeling is or even why I am feeling it. All I know is, I really don't want people around- weird, I know. For the past 3 months or so, I've just become so easily annoyed by people. Not by anything they may have done to me, but just by their presence. And so, I stay away and have become a recluse both for the public's sake as well as mine. I un-invite myself to functions. I've purposely not responded to phone-calls or texts in hopes that the sender would just get frustrated with me and leave me alone (and this is the perfect recipe for tarnished relationships). I've ceased making eye contact so that I would not be expected to make conversation (btw, I cannot STAND small talk...pet peeve!).
     Anyhow, this is a very abnormal feeling for me because people  are my passion. My heart's desire is to love and to care for people. Typically, I long to be in their presence and even in their embrace, but clearly, something has gone awry and I can't quite put my finger on it. Is this phase a phase? Is it normal? Don't get me wrong, I love humanity, I just hate (strongly dislike) the society that it has become. Social. Anti-social. In these final days before shipment, I know that I should probably place myself in the midst of those who will provide as much lovin' as possible (b/c there is no love in the military- just guns, haha j/k relaaaxx). Despite that fact, I find myself just wanting to be alone all of the time. And then, when I am near people and I try to fight this anti-social villain , I get so shy and over analytical of perceptions that I cannot even enjoy myself and those around me are made to feel uncomfortable. I've been trying to tell myself that this is God working in me to condition and prepare me for the similar solitude of BCT. I've also convinced myself that this is God's way of turning my attention on Him and off all distractions. And people and their perceptions have always been my distraction...

2. Recently, a couple of dear friends of mine lost a very young someone special in a tragic incident. I've only had one encounter with the death of someone close to me, but their experience and loss of the loved one brought me to that same place all over again- and I don't even know the person. The connection is just that- a connection; so when they hurt- so do I. My heart goes out to them and their families. Dad's latest series in church is called Knowing The Will of God (for my life). This is so applicable for situations of death and things we cannot control.

God's Will Types (nutshelling week 3):  

1. The Sovereign Will of God- God brings to past whatever He wants to.
1. The hidden will of God (the things we will never know)
2. The revealed will of God (the things that we can pray for and expect God to show us; those things that he allows us to understand about him ..."Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven")
2.  The Perceptive (Moral) Will of God- This will is geared to the "thou shall nots"; it can be broken. There is either a benefit or consequence for the laws of this will.
1. Example: God's will is that the 10 Commandments will be obeyed, but still, man (with his granted free-will), can break these laws. Nothing is truly stopping him from doing so.
3.  The Personal Will of God- What is God agenda for me or you? What is the calling designed specifically for your  life 
4. The Permissive Will of God- God, being fully aware of something, allows/permits something to happen without any negative or positive influence or intervention. NOTE: This is not to be confused with the "permission" of God.

Okay...so, in the situation of someone who has passed, which will are we looking at? In my opinion it is a cross between  God's Sovereign will and His Permissive will. God will do whatever He wants, and God will allow whatever He wants.


I'll stop here, by the power of my own "sovereign" will.


FYI
Click here to listen to this series, "Knowing God's Will" and more from the pulpit of Atlanta Church Of God By Faith!